Relationships are challenging. Human beings tend not to
always agree with each other about everything. As a result, we disappoint,
demand too much, and hurt each other’s feelings. The more intimate the
relationship, the deeper the hurts can be.
Whether at work, school, church, in our homes, or
neighborhoods etc., wherever there’s human interaction, the likelihood for
conflict exists.
Christians are not exempt from conflict.
Except that, where the world may choose to turn a conflict into
a prolonged and bitter battle that leaves permanent scars and division, the
children of GOD are to do the opposite. We are to fight with a goal to quickly
and lovingly reconcile.
Our disagreements must be handled with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one
another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit
in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3.
We are one body in one Spirit and we have one Father. We are
GOD’s family! (Ephesians 4:4-5). Our heavenly Father knows it’s natural for us
to fight and disagree, as long as we do it His way!
We have the OK from GOD to be angry, but with a warning (Ephesians 4:26)
Sin enters into our conflict when one or both parties decide
to adopt an unforgiving spirit and act only to injure, to “get back at” the
person they are in conflict with. Such actions disobey GOD’s command.
It is sin to seek only to satisfy our own perceived hurt instead
of coming together to reconcile and repair the relationship.
“Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires
of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. Since we are
living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.” Galatians
5: 24-25
Christians live by the fruit of the Spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,
goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5: 22-23) If we
belong to the Father we belong to His Son, and in Him we have the power to live
this out successfully.
Six FIGHTing principles based on scripture
Some years ago, I learned six easy-to-apply principles for
effective conflict resolution, all of which are based on Scripture. Romans 12:16-21; Ephesians 4:4-7, 25-26, 29, 31-32; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; Proverbs 10:19, 15:1-4.
These principles are taught as an acrostic, letters that
spell out the word “FIGHTS”, for
easy memorization and application:
- Face the other person – don’t turn away or allow the other person to turn away. Address the problem as soon as possible, avoid the “silent treatment,” and admit where you are at fault quickly and completely.
- Ignore the temptation to get side-tracked by topics that are not relevant to the issue at hand.
- Guard your tongue – be careful not to say anything you would later regret saying; avoid name-calling.
- History belongs in the past; don’t bring old issues into the current situation.
- Touch the other person; some physical contact shows that both people are on the same side or team and not against one another.
- Stay and finish the fight to each other’s satisfaction; do not walk away and leave anything on the table unresolved.
GOD sought to reconcile with us while we were still in conflict
with Him. He sent His one begotten Son to die on the cross, unite us in
relationship with Him and bring us peace.
Forgiveness and loving reconciliation are GOD’s way to end
Prayer and Thanksgiving: Holy Father, we honor and glorify your holy Name! Thank
you for YOUR WORD and YOUR Spirit that guides us in what is right and what
pleases YOU; to seek peace and pursue peace; to lovingly forgive and be examples
of godliness to the rest of the world by our words, our attitude, our care for
each other, our faith, and our integrity. Teach us not to be wise in our
own eyes but to remember that our Father in Heaven IS wisdom without measure to
whom all dominion and power belong for ever and ever. We
pray and ask all things in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Always by God’s Word and prayer,
Cecile
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